... sandy beach, sitting on a sun bleached deckchair, sipping ice-cold beer from a condensation covered glass, basking in thirty degree heat, and as far removed from the seasonal tyrrany of tinsel, turkey and kitsch that has become the Great American... er British Christmas.
If it seems like months now that we've been bombarded by ads with every B list "celeb" you can think of exhorting us to buy more food and booze than it's humanly possible to consume let alone enjoy (and lets face it half the crap they're peddling isn't even that enjoyable) that's because the run up to this next fortnight of saturnalian excess began in October. The pressure to indulge is overwhelming, and, not to put too fine a point on it, it's ruining the whole thing. The expectations now for this few days of "quality time" with the family are quite literally crushing, and it's making my punters irredeemably miserable. The only ones who have seemed at all cheerful have been the odd few who are taking this opportunity to jet for for an Antipodean Xmas with barbies on the beach and more sun than you can shake a boomerang at. Frankly I'm envious as hell. It doesn't help that this weekend we had temperatures of -5 centigrade (yes I know it's colder elsewhere, but once it gets anywhere below freezing it's inhumanly cold in my book), but it's more than that.
The expectation heaped onto this next few days is quite unreasonable, and must inevitably end in dissappointment, yet still we are all sucked in, lemming like, to the collective madness. When we come out the other side we'll still all owe tens of thousands to the economy that has tried to kid us for years that we can have something for nothing, the planet will still be melting, however counterintuitive that feels right here, right now, and all the attendant woes of famine plague and pestillence will continue. The unwinnable "War on Terror" will be grinding on its relentless way and our poor long suffering servicemen and women will still be struggling to deliver "peace with honour" in a conflict that offers neither, and will still be constrained to do so on a shoestring budget because we've poured all the cash away bailing out the banks. No so much "the economy, stupid!" as the "stupid economists". And us for believing in their voodoo.
If ever there was a time to take stock and rethink our priorities it's now. Not that we will. We'll all be too busy crowding out the stores and piling in supplies, one third of which we'll not use, and scrabbling around for those last minute gifts for "what's her name down the street that we thought wasn't going to give us anything this year but did".
So let me be the first to wish you Happy Next Christmas!
(Usual VECHN* for the closest guess to the date of my first "Happy Christmas" of the year from a punter)
*If you don't know what this is have a trawl through my misanthropoic back catalogue-- if you can be bothered at all, though I would'nt blame you for not. I'm in such a happy place right now. You can tell right?
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21 comments:
I find rocking in a corner helps find the happy place needed at such times Dr J, but I can see that *may* not go down so well in your workplace ;)
So instead thank you for all your hard work this year and for telling us about life as a GP. I hope you do get some time to spend with your family.
Best wishes, BG Xx
PS Round about Nov 1st? If I win you can eat the chocolate hob nob for me ;)
17th October?
Only worry if worrying will help, dearest Dr J. I don't like to see you unhappy.
I echo BG.
15th November.
Happy Christmas and a happy, healthy 2010.
dear all-- thank you so much, and thanks for stopping by, I was beginning to think Twitter had killed the blog as we know and love it :-(.
And I'm afraid your guesses thus far are not that close, but thanks Bendy Girl for your kind offer ;-)
A hint then please? Earlier than what we've been saying?
21st December?
alhi-- the hint was in the overall tomne of the piece, so yes, even earlier :-)
I won't guess again as I've had my go, but I was wished a happy Christmas in March, by someone intending to spend a year in New Zealand. If it was earlier than that, I'm truly impressed.
"the planet will still be melting" - no need to worry about that one; the evidence is too poor to hang a cat on. Unaccountably, though, you omitted the risk of collision with an asteroid. Happy Easter.
z-- not quite that early no, but far earlier than I'm used to. By all means have another try before the EVCHN goes stale ;-)
dearieme-- welcome. Asteroids don't bother me so much. You can get cream for them. Er, am I confusing them with Haemorrhoids again? Happy Hogswatch-night BTW!
It was someone who came in for a three-monthly check-up (if such a thing exists). I say September 25th. It was a Friday.
You can have my hobnob if I win. I'm not feeling particularly hob-nobby right now, would you believe it?
hypotemuse-- although closer I'm afraid you've slightly overshot, but I'm very tempted to split the award between you and BendyGirl just so I can have two Hob Nobs. Does that make me a bad person I wonder?
October 15th? Have mine as well:)
I have not followed you blog long enough to understand the game going on, but nevertheless wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Kind regards,
Mags.
alhi-- you're about a week out, but thank you for your generosity and continued support!
Nikita / Mags-- when the mood strikes I offer up and Electrinic Virtual Chocolate Hob Nob as a prize for the closest guess, so first right answer sort of thing. it's a very bad habit I picked up from a charmingly mad blogger named Greavesie who has sadly defected now to the Twitterati.
You're at the wrong end of the financial spectrum. I'm looking forward to my £25 heating bonus from the DWP for surviving seven consecutive days with the average temperature below zero. A degree or two warmer and I wouldn't have felt any warmer, but I wouldn't have had the £25.
Anon at 7:08 - do you have to actually be collecting a pension to get the extra heating allowance? I only ask because I got a £250 heating payment courtesy of HMG just because I hit 60 this year even though not officaly retired yet and it might be nice to think I'm due a bit more. Oh the benefits of 'old age' free eye tests, free bus rides, no NI contributions and, of course, all those free prescriptions!
Ah, but it is possible to avoid the commercial pressure. Hubby has been very ill this year so we told the family we were staying at home over Christmas and that (except for the children) they were getting money as pressies.
We had a wonderful two days, hubby me and the dog. We REALLY relaxed and just did what we felt like. Bliss! It was the best Christmas we've ever had.
Ageing student - You get the seven-day cold weather payment if you're on income-based benefits with a disability premium. I've looked this up in the CPAG book for you, and you don't seem to need to be getting a disability premium if you're on pension credit (whether guarantee or savings credit) but I wouldn't swear to it.
Thank you Anonymous
Nicki - isn't it great? When my husband was ill I still had to try a bit (not a lot!) but this year, 16 years after his mother decided he wasn't going to recover and turned her nose the wall and died - we had the best Christmas ever. We are in our "holiday" flat in northern Italy having taken early retirement. Christmas Eve I had to cook as there was nowhere to go so a bit of filet steak filled the bill but on the 25th we went for a pizza! The 26th we went to the neighbours for lunch at 12.30 and came home at 10pm - not a mention of Boxing Day, doesn't happen here. No turkey, just venison stew and lots of red wine (and other things). Beats dying and going to heaven!
And Dr Jest - love the blog, happy New Year. Would have mentioned it before but the internet gobbled up the post! I'd invite you to visit but you don't appear to like cold. Not that it's cold in this flat even with the heating on minimum!
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