Tuesday, August 15, 2006

All at sea.

The latest Paediatric Grand Rounds are published here and are as usual well worth a look. Brilliant quiz with some excellent posts behind it, and a small contribution already seen here. I commend it to you all wholeheartedly.

On to more mundane matters. I am posting this early so that the week does not run away with me before I can....

You see Famille Jeste are about to step back in time to somewhere around the mid 1930's.

How, I hear you ask.

Well, we are standing as companions to an elderly couple on a cruise. So for two weeks starting this Sunday Dr J will be afloat, living the life of Riley. There are however a few things that are bothering me. The point is I know all about these cruise larks. I've seen the movies, and even read some of the books. So I know there are certain things that will be expected of me whilst aboard ship. Here is the list I have come up with so far. If there are others I have missed perhaps some of you wiser readers might care to contribute.

I presume that I shall be called upon to use my finely honed diagnostic skills to assist the onboard authorities in solving at least one, probably more than one, murder. ( I will of course be looking for Butlers or other disgruntled employees, ex-employees, or jilted lovers of the victims to pin the rap on).

I also anticipate being embroiled in a plot to save a well to do nephew from the scheming of an aged aunt to marry him off to an awfully nice but frightfully dim gel. (We have resolved to spend the entrire two weeks afloat greeting all our fellow passangers-- and especially any Americans we come across-- with a cheery "What Ho!").

I assume I will spend much of the voyage fending off the romatic advances of a stunningly gorgeous heiress, (especially now I have the "Thomas Magnum" style Hawaian Shirt Lady J has bought me for the Tropical Theme Night).

Lastly, I worry that I will be called on to paddle to an isolated desert island, towing Lady J and the offspring, as the vessel slips tragically below the waves never to be seen again. Once on said island I fear the social order will be turned on it's head and my family will be seduced by the wiles of a former butler into an alternative lifestyle that removes me from my righful place at the centre of the household.

Still, all of the above are compensated for by the prospect of round the clock pampering, feeding, and liquid refreshment, and the chance to visit some places not hitherto subjected to the depredations of Clan Jest.

*You probably won't believe this but I have just completed a medical exam for a bloke who used to be a chef on the very ship we shall be sailing on!*

Pip pip!


Shinga said...

What a fine brew of crime novels, crime TV and classic british movies (I saw Kenneth More et al. in that quite recently - daring for its day, it was annoying that once back in dear old blighty, the natural order was restored in many ways). Is there a packet of chocolate Hobnobs on offer to those of us who can name that film? Of course, with all of these dubious plots swirling around, who would be foolhardy enough to eat those Hobnobs...

Just in case you do get stuck on a desert island - do remember to bring plenty of newspapers and wallpaper paste as a back-up plan.

Enjoy the vacances en famille.

Regards - Shinga

stitchwort said...

Never mind the cosy novel stuff, just try to prevent all the galloping diarrhoea that cruises seem so prone to these days.
(Not sure that's spelt right - perhaps it should be DIRE REAR)

Doctor Jest said...

shinga-- Admirable response as always. Agree about the reversion of the social order, but then again, standards old gel, wot? And as for hob nobs, I take it I shall be too busy Hob Nobbing to enjoy such common fare. We shall have to see. Thanks for the DIY tip. Packing schedule will be duly revised after a quick trip to Homebase ;-)

stitchwort-- interestingly the one bit of health advice the cruise company have sent us is on that very topic. industrial quantities of imodium already packed. scarily I see this weeks BMJ e-leaning module is on traveller's diarrhoea. just time enough for me to brush up.

Geena said...

And remember to pack a deerstalker hat and a pipe to help in the murder mystery solving.

One could also add "By gum!" to one's vocabulary.

Z said...

No, you'll be fine. Come back fit as fleas.
Except, I'm afraid, the heiresses might all be rather elderly. My 70, 80 and 90-year-old unattached friends all love cruises.

Doctor Jest said...

geena-- I'm stunned by the amount of Fancy Dress we are already packing. Still a deerstalker and pipe should fit in somewhere. Not so sure about the "By Gum" though. Bit Northern that. Will probably stick with "What Ho!".

z-- Just as I feared. Still there might be an exception to that rule?