Looking back February was rather a thin month postingwise (probably not a "real" word but what the heck...). Seems it must have been busy. Thinking back fron the cosy distance of the 5th March it probably was actually. You see Ambridge has been stricken with a plague of Biblical proportions, and that despite being home to very few Pharaohs, or at least very few that I know to.
This year, for the first time in a decade or so we have seen significant numbers of folk with real honest to goodness 'Flu. And this despite being about as far away as it is possible to get from Norfolk and still be in England.
'Flu? I hear you say sneeringly. We know all about 'flu. We've seen the ads for Lemsip and Beechams. Those poor souls take a couple of capsules and are back on their feet in no time. What the heck is the matter with folk in Ambridge. Do they all have delicate constitutions like heroines in eighteenth century fiction perchance?
Well no. They don't. And here's a newsflash for you. Those ads you refer to, they lie. I know, shocking isn't it. But it's true. Those nice people in them are acting. They never had the 'Flu in the opening frames, so they had no trouble looking miraculously better by the close of the ad thirty seconds (or "in just three days!") later.
The real problem is that every year hundreds of folk hereabouts go down with a bad cold and call it "The 'Flu". After all it sounds so much better when they have been away from work for a few days. And yes they did feel grotty, perhaps snotty, definitely feverish, and porper poorly for a few days. Poor things.
But when they get the real thing, it's like they've been hit by a truck. Even opnening and closing their eyelids hurts. Death seems to lurk just beyond the doorway, and even after the first flush of lurgy has passed they are left feeling drained and lifeless as one of Dracula's hapless victims for weeks on end afterwards. And no amount of patent nostrum will do the trick.
But this can't be the 'Flu. After all those nice people in the ads got better so much quicker so this must be something much worse....
So for the benefit of those reading this who think they might have the 'Flu, let me just say this. You haven't. If you did, you wouldn't have had the energy to read it in the first place. Just take a Lemsip* and get on with it like they do on the telly. For those of you having it read to them because they feel too ill to read it for themselves, then yes, you might well have the 'Flu, but unless you have other more scary symtoms to go with it like very bad breathlesness or neck stiffness so severe you can't lift your head off the pillow then I'm afraid the best you can do is get whoever is reading this to get you a nice Lemsip* to take the edge off things and catch up on some much needed sleep. Of course if you are that breathless or stiff necked then you might be wise to call your Doc for helpafter all, and tell them I sent you.
* other cold and 'flu remedies are available.