Tuesday, April 10, 2007

In which Dr J is indulgent

Ok. I forgot it was about to be Easter, and blogging from home never seems to work, so I'll try again with the whole "normal service" thing.

Sorry.

Since not much has happened in my own little version of Ambridge lately, (unlike the "real" thing-- regular listeners will know what I mean and the rest of you really don't need to know, at least not for the purpose of this post...) I have been musing on a subject close to my heart, and thought this might be a good time to share the result of my deliberations.

Oh yes, the subject: Chocolate.

More specifically the purported healing properties thereof.

When I was a lad chocolate was indisputably bad for you. Even BAD for you according to some of the more virulent anti-choc' propagandists. It made you fat*, gave you spots and rotted your teeth.

Happily we now live in more enlightened times. Divers authorities would now have us believe chocolate is beneficial in all kinds of ways, reducing the risks of both cancer and heart disease, supplying vital minerals, elevating mood, even, they aver in hushed tones, enhancing the sex lives of women**-- and thereby presumably also of their companions...

It has even been shown to contain an ingredient (theobromine for those of technical bent) better at relieving cough than most commercially available remedies (though cramming it down so fast you choke is less likely to help that particular syptom-- Jesterly offspring please note!).

Given our posession of all these incontravertible scientific facts I now believe there is an unarguable case for putting liberal ammounts of chocolate on the NHS drug tarrif, to be delivered "free at the point of delivery" for the alleviation of all ills. To that end I am now shamelessly soliciting comments in support of my case for submission to the relevant authorities.

* An argument I believe I disproved in an earlier post-- neither will chocolate cause spottiness or tooth decay if used responsibly. So there.

** Could this be the origin of the mythic "Easter Bunny" of song and fable?

6 comments:

Z said...

"Enhancing the sex lives of women" - what, as in the 'Mars Bars Parties' held by Mr Mick Jagger and Miss Marianne Faithfull back in the 1960s?

Will you submit a petition to the No 10 website?

Doctor Jest said...

I was wondering about doing the Mars Bar reference myself in this context, but no, apparently Italian Scientists have done a study (actually it sounded more like a survey) and found a direct correlation between chocolate intake and sexual satisfaction in women. Sadly no mention of a similar study / result in men.

Z said...

It's the quality of the chocolate that has the effect, not the quantity, of course. For this reason, Green & Black's gets better results than Mars Bars. However, chocolate Hob-Nobs are surprisingly effective.

stitchwort said...

This chocolate enhancement - is it before, after, or instead of?

Doctor Jest said...

z-- ;-)

Stitchwort-- posibly during. Sorry I didn't read the citation, just the headline :-(

luna said...

I have been hooked on choc since toddlerhood by my grandmother who was herself a lifelong addict.(she's got false teeth now)

This theory is true and Z is right:it depends what kind of chocolate,for a start it has to be dark and with a high cocoa content.
I find the Lindt deadly,though some of G&B come close,that's why I never buy any.

For those challenged lovers who'd like to know how it works,the female has to ingest at least 100g in one go and it will take effect less than 24h later...

WhenI visited Germany I came upon a tiny museum of chocolate,I think it was in Tubingen,which was in fact an old apothecary where they dispensed the medicine cocoa for the first time in Europe.
The patients would come and have their cuppa off the quaint machine,as a tonic and a "blood nourishing" supplement.