She: “I’ve got this rash, y’know…. (sotto voce) down there.”
Dr J: “?”
She: “I found it when I was in the shower a couple of days ago, an’ it’s still there, an’ I don’t like the look of it.”
He: Looks up at the ceiling in exasperation.
Dr J: After a few questions to elaborate that the rash is painless and has no association with bleeding or ulceration “Right, perhaps we’d better take a quick look.”
Round we go to nursies room for a quick look.
She: getting up to go through to be examined “Can he come in too.”
He: Another flash of eyes ceilingward.
Nursie: “Yes of course, in you come.”
So in we go. She scales the couch and reveals the offending area. He remains outside the curtain. I’m beginning to think he must be “something in ceilings”, or perhaps a modern Michelangelo Buonarotte.
And there they are. A little cluster of warty lesions.
Dr J: “Righto, what say you pop your togs back on and come back through to the consulting room and we’ll talk.”
And we do.
Yes, they do look like warts. Yes they might be sexually transmitted, but he has no such rash and is quite certain he has not been “playing away”. To sort things out she’s going to need to visit the GUM clinic where more precise diagnostics might be available.
The only thing is, from the looks on both their faces, the fall out from this little outcrop of warts looks likely to be pretty devastating.