Friday, July 13, 2007

Mountain or molehill?

She: “I’ve got this rash, y’know…. (sotto voce) down there.”

Dr J: “?”

She: “I found it when I was in the shower a couple of days ago, an’ it’s still there, an’ I don’t like the look of it.”

He: Looks up at the ceiling in exasperation.

Dr J: After a few questions to elaborate that the rash is painless and has no association with bleeding or ulceration “Right, perhaps we’d better take a quick look.”

Round we go to nursies room for a quick look.

She: getting up to go through to be examined “Can he come in too.”

He: Another flash of eyes ceilingward.

Nursie: “Yes of course, in you come.”

So in we go. She scales the couch and reveals the offending area. He remains outside the curtain. I’m beginning to think he must be “something in ceilings”, or perhaps a modern Michelangelo Buonarotte.

And there they are. A little cluster of warty lesions.

Dr J: “Righto, what say you pop your togs back on and come back through to the consulting room and we’ll talk.”

And we do.

Yes, they do look like warts. Yes they might be sexually transmitted, but he has no such rash and is quite certain he has not been “playing away”. To sort things out she’s going to need to visit the GUM clinic where more precise diagnostics might be available.

The only thing is, from the looks on both their faces, the fall out from this little outcrop of warts looks likely to be pretty devastating.


Dilated Mind said...

I'm not a doctor or anything but last week I had a random woman on a park bench showing me her yellow, what looked like rotting, toe nail. I seem to attract these type of mad people for some reason...

Great blog. Keep it up!

Z said...

Yow. In those circumstance, I'd have gone to the clinic rather than the family doctor and not mentioned it to the other half. Not that I'd find myself in those circumstances, you understand...

orchidea said...

How delightful. That's what happens when you stare at too many ceilings.

Elaine said...


Doctor Jest said...

dilated mind-- welcome. I bet you allways get the "nutter on the bus" too then ;-)
Thanks for stopping by anyhow.

z-- I rather got the feeling she was looking for a stick to beat him with, but there was no way she would get him along to the GU clinic so she opted to drag him along to the surgery.

orchidea-- the acronym is sadly overused, but on this occasion I mean it literally, LOL.

elaine-- indeed. Welcome.