You know your appraisal’s going wrong when your appraiser says “You could always think about doing something else…”
After last year, when a commenter rather chided me over the whole “buzzword bingo” concept of appraisal, I decided to do this one cold. This might have been a mistake.
I thought I had prepared my case and supplied the necessary evidence to back up my professed competence, but this year’s appraisal felt somehow so much more joyless than any hitherto, and my appraiser (a new one I’d not met before the day) seemed less interested in the materials I had provided than in her own agenda, namely whipping me in to shape for “revalidation”. It probably didn’t help that I was incubating my annual dose of low grade but highly irritating lurghi come the appointed day. Nor did it help that I had spent forty five minutes completing a twenty minute journey to my place of execution… er appraisal. The fact that the day had not afforded an opportunity for a second cup of Java or any hobnobs at all probably sealed my fate.
As a result I accept I might have come across as a little grumpier and a tad less engaged than I might normally. However it also seemed that the appraisal agenda has changed from a formative mentoring relationship to one of challenge and compulsion. I’m not entirely sure on that point, and accept that I performed badly on the day, but with the benefit of a fortnight of introspection after the fact, this experience was so at variance with the five previous encounters that I await the next with no small measure of trepidation.
And the really sad thing is I’m not at all sure I could, or would want to do “anything else”. I can tell you that next year the bingo will definitely be back on the agenda though.
I’m sorry it took a while to regain my normal equanimity after these events, but I reckon I’m back now, and certainly in no mood to go elsewhere.