I am pleased to report that Dr J has been awarded one half of the prestigious Work-Greavsie franchise. The following post will detail the new working arrangements that will obtain for the duration of this franchise.
Dr J will be available for General Greavsie Services (GGS) within the contracted hours of the New Greavise Services Contract, which is to say between 08.00 and 18.30 Monday to Friday. Outside these hours cover will be provided by the Borsetshire Greavsie Deputizing Service.
As an addition to the above we shall be launching “Greavsie Direct”, a 24 hour nationally available helpline. This can be reached by dialing 0845 4GREAVSIE (0845 44732743). Here call handlers with the help of a sophisticated computer program* will be able to advise you which of the six new Greavsie franchises you require.**
In line with the National Enhanced service under the NGS contract all posts will henceforth be monitored for quality. Spelling will be improved by a target 50%. Use of parentheses will be kept to and absolute minimum*** and swearing of any kind will result in a £1 donation to the Swearbox.
In line with locally negotiated arrangements all references to "Barbarella" and " the Barbies" will be replaced by acceptable substitutions for the duration of the franchise.
Any queries can be directed to OFFGREAVE the new Office for Greavsie Standards ****
* They DO NOT just spin a bottle. Honest.
** Calls may be recorded just for laughs. All calls charged at 50p per minute. Average length of call 25-90 minutes. Remember to get permission of whoever pays the bills.
*** Replaced by multiple asterisks. See I know it’s not Asterixes so there.
**** (NOT to be confused with ****) Address available on application.