Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A light in the fog

We have moved through eldritch and whispy. Now we are swathed. So swathed the Motorways hereabouts are at a standstill. So the morning drive this morning, bearing in mind that Ambridge High Street is still shut, was even more of an adventure than normal. I felt like the poor herbert in the TA ad from a year or two ago, careening through the woods at night in his Landy as the instructor yells for him to kill the lights and keep going.

But this is ok, because this is the week I know I am untouchable. You see some kind of Christmas magic imbues GPs throughout the land this week, and I am, as are all my colleagues, at my most beatific.

"?" you rightly ask.

I shall ellucidate.

For this week only I have supernatural powers, right up there with the best of them. My very touch can heal. My stethoscope, normaly an humble diagnostic aid, becomes my magic wand, my wizards staff, my shamanic totem....

I know this because my faithful band of worshippers tell me so. They bring me their firstborn children for the laying on of hands*. They deluge me with cards telling me how great I am. I commune with the spirit world.**

Well, alright, really they bring in little Lilly and Freddy, to be "checked", so they wont be ill over Christmas. Still their faith is as touching as it is undeserved, as though my simple scutiny this week can ward off all evil. Would that it were,so. Still a lad can dream, and as you can probably tell, I rather like becoming one of Santa's helpers just for the week.

It's one of the fringe benefits of working for the Elf Service.

* and their second, third, fourth born, yea even unto the seventh generation.

** whereas lady doctors mainly get given sherry.

( This post now appearing at Shinga's excellent edition of Paediatric Grand Rounds mates.)


Z said...

Oh yeah? The day before Christmas, the doc told my daughter in law not to worry about the baby's cough.

Ambulance in the drive on Christmas Day, followed by a trip in the car to hospital.

Doctor Jest said...

z-- sorry to hear that. I do hope all turned out well in the end. (Have been on both medical ends of that particular scenario in my time).

Cath said...

Is your touch curing The King's Evil? (Does anyone get that any more?)

Re the fog - I had a lovely time in the fog yesterday. Had a job interview to go to - started out good and early, but got lost 4 times...darn rural roads with no road signs didn't help! Bring back eldritch!

Doctor Jest said...

cath-- Fortumnatley not much scrofula about these days what with pasteurization and antibiotics. Bet I could cure it if it presented this week tho'such are the powers gifted me by Faerie.

I agree I would prefer eldritch.

Z said...

She was fine, thank you. Steroid injection and antibiotics, followed by a good day's sleep for all of them and they celebrated Christmas a day late.

Wendz said...

Whilst you have magicking powers, can you magic me up a new bottom, please?

And a box of hob nobs.

Send to : Wendz, Middle-of-Foggy-Nowhere, France.

Ta. Ever so kind.

potentilla said...

Fog schmog. I was going somewhere involving in and out of Heathrow, but decided I am not up to sleeping in their marquee. If your faerie powers don't stretch to curing cancer, please could you arrange that the flights I would have been catching are in fact cancelled so I can go next week without having to pay extra? Ta.

sooz said...

Herbert! I've not heard that expression for far too many years! LOL!

Do you do that 'stand back, I'm a Dr' thing on your holidays Dr Jest?

Doctor Jest said...

z-- glad to hear that. We've done the odd deferred xmas celebrations too down the years.

wendz-- I have it on somewhat dubious authority that the UK's favourite fashion harpies Trinny and Sussanah recommend things called "magic pants". I would venture to suggest tho' that the average bloke takes the Sir Mixalot position when it comes to the derriere. Then again there's always the "it's not what you've got but what you do with it" philosophy. In any event, from here you look just marvellous so enjoy the Hobnobs and don't worry about the rest....

potentilla-- I'm trying the Oddball style "positive waves" for you. Mostly though my powers are of the laying on of hands variety. You might try touching the screen perhaps... Bon Voyage as and when.

sooz-- on proper hol's I try to remain as inconito as possible until outed by the children.

I've always preferred the "Trust me..." line personally ;-)

More and more though I'm toying with "Stand back I'm a Blogger!"